Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Normal Guy Versus Edward Cullen

Cutest darn thing I've ever read:

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.
“Well, I wasn’t going to live without you..” He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. “..but I wasn’t sure how to do it. I knew Emmet and Jasper would never help so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi.”

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
He smiled my favorite smile. “Hurry back to me.”

“Always.”

As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
“I heard the music before I was out of the car. Edward hadn’t touched his piano since the night Alice left. Now, as I shut the door, I heard the song morph through a bridge and change into my lullaby. Edward was welcoming me home.’

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
“Do you want me to sing to you? I’ll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”

A normal guy does it with everyone.
Edward Cullen only does it with one.

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car. (THE BEST PART! HAHA!)


Credit: an amazing blog post here.

Seriously. There's no comparison. Darn that Stephenie Meyer for basing Edward Cullen off female fantasies rather than realistic human men.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

lol. that's SO freaking true! normal guys will never compare to edward cullen

MonaClearGirl2.0 said...

um why can't he be real
i'm trying to explain to this guy friend i have about why Edward Cullen is the best this totally explains it

Anonymous said...

If this list is to be believed, Edward Cullen is boring and lifeless.
Oddly enough, a condescending, unimaginative, suicidal twit is not my idea of the perfect guy.

Anonymous said...

'Normal guys' happen to be real. Edward--SparkleMan--Cullen is NOT real. He is a fictional character. You realise what this is, correct? Allow me to post the definition: an imaginary person represented in a work of fiction (play, film, or story).

Can your feeble minds comprehend this? I doubt it.

Would you rather have a tangible human being or a fictitious sparkly vampire (see: VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE AND THEY HAVE FANGS)? If your answer consists of the latter, please seek help. Your mental instability puts the rest of society at risk.

Yourmom said...

So female fantasy is a creepy and abusive Gary-stu? Hmmmmm