Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Mongrel and Barbie Battle it Out

I thought this article, aptly titled Top 10 Jacob/Rosalie Moments in Breaking Dawn, was very entertaining:

10 - “Breaking Dawn” page 278
I groaned and opened my eyes. The skies were dull gray — it was daytime, but no clue as to when. Maybe close to sunset — it was pretty dark.
“About time,” Blondie mumbled from not too far away. “The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little tired.”

9 - “Breaking Dawn” page 186
“We’re going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately,” Edward said. [...]
“Over my pile of ashes,” Rosalie hissed at him.

8 - “Breaking Dawn” page 178
“So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into jigsaw and take care of Bella.”

7 - “Breaking Dawn” page 247
“You’re scared of Leah, but you’re best buds with the psychopathic blonde?”
There was a low hiss from the second floor. Cool, she’d heard me.

6 - “Breaking Dawn” page 295
“Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?” I asked, and then continued on the same breath, “a golden retriever.”
“I’ve heard that one, too,” she said, no longer smiling.
“I’ll keep trying,” I promised [...].

5 - “Breaking Dawn” page 294
“Enjoy, mongrel.”
It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but she’d bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftsmanship. And her attention to detail. She’d scratched the word Fido into the side. Excellent handwriting.

4 - “Breaking Dawn” page 294
“Rosalie, why don’t you get Jacob something from the kitchen?” Alice said. [...]
Rosalie stared at the place Alice’s voice had come from in disbelief.
“Thanks, anyways, Alice, but I don’t think I’d want to eat something Blondie’s spit in. I’d bet my system wouldn’t take too kindly to venom.”
“Rosalie would never embarrass Esme by displaying such a lack of hospitality.”
“Of course not,” Blondie said in a sugar-sweet voice that I immediately distrusted. She got up and breezed out of the room.
Edward sighed.
“You’d tell me if she poisoned it, right?” I asked.

3 - “Breaking Dawn” page 271
“You know how to drown a blonde, Rosalie?” I asked without stopping or turning to look at her. “Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool.” [...]
“I’ve already heard that one,” Rosalie called after me.

2 - “Breaking Dawn” page 324
“Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde’s brain cells die?”
She didn’t say anything.
“Well?” I asked. “Do you know the punch line or not?”
She looked pointedly at the TV and ignored me.
“Has she heard it?” I asked Edward.
There was no humor in his tense face — he didn’t move his eyes from Bella. But he said, “No.”
“Awesome. So you’ll enjoy this, bloodsucker — a blonde’s brain cells die alone.”
Rosalie still didn’t look at me. “I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Remember that.”

1 - “Breaking Dawn” page 304
Silently, I lifted my doggy bowl off the floor. Then, with a quick, powerful flip of my wrist, I threw it into the back of Blondie’s head so hard that — with an earsplitting bang – it smashed flat before it ricocheted across the room and snapped the round top piece off the thick newel post at the foot of the stairs. [...]
“Dumb blonde,” I muttered.
Rosalie turned her head slowly, and her eyes were blazing.
“You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair.”

I agree with number one. Stephenie Meyer's humor never ceases to make me smile.
View the article right here.

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Midnight Sun, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, vampire, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Twilight Movie, Stephenie Meyer

No comments: