Saturday, August 23, 2008

"How to Write a Bestseller Just Like Twilight"

Ha ha ha ha ha.
Do you remember that lady who wrote the article called Twilight Sucks...And Not In A Good Way?
Well she wrote another one. Only this time, I have to give her some serious credit. One, she's got a sense of humor. Two, she knows how to write a darn good article, even if I don't agree with it whatsoever. I have a bitter and sarcastic side to me whenever I mock things (and I do that a lot if you haven't quite noticed) so maybe that's why this article more was more amusing than angering to me.
Read it here. If you don't have a sense of humor or are too obsessively in love with Twilight to have a sense of humor about it alone, and you have any breakable objects in your immediate vicinity, then I suggest you don't read it because the author really hammers her insults home. Mind you, I am not agreeing with the article. I'm not dissing Twilight or its fans (um, hello, obsessive fan right here!) in any way. I just think it's about time that a rebel offered us at least an ounce of creativity in their writing instead of droning for a page about anti-femenist views and sexist implications. This woman DID write an article like that - her first one - but I suppose she's redeemed herself a tiny bit. Of course, all her criticisms are nothing new, the same old ones since the beginning of Stephenie's writing career, and there is one point that she makes that made my eyes narrow with irritation. That's this right here:

2. Do not research. It is not necessary to waste time getting biology facts, cultural lore, or cultural history correct. For example, if you choose to set your novel in a real-life place, don’t bother visiting it. If you incorporate the ideas of another culture, such as that of the Sioux Native Americans, absolutely do not speak to any Sioux elders or Sioux scholars-as the author, you have no responsibility to accurately portray anything. Instead, take what history you can find out on the Internet and feel free to bastardize their cultural lore so that it fits into your story. Also, if you decide to use science to explain some of your fantasy elements, don’t bother making it logically or factually sound.


Apparently she didn't do any research either - at least she's not being a hypocrite, right? Stephenie Meyer has visited Forks. And why should she speak to Sioux elders if her characters are Quileute people? Hm. Do you know for sure that she never spoke to them? That she didn't know any facts about them whatsosver that would help her novel? Oh, but ahhh, I forgot that the same rules apply to writing a critic's review - facts shmacts. Instead of using the real tribes from that area, Stephenie should have created her own random set of people called the Shmookalookas and made them werewolves, am I right? Ahem, according to Wikipedia: One example of a legend is their creation story. It says that a traveling shape shifter came upon a wolf and transformed him into a man, creating the first Quileute. Who says the internet isn't accurate? If I can do a bit of research without having to travel half way across the continent, then Stephenie can, too. I'm not being sarcastic when I say that authors have a right to use their creative minds and make crap up. It sounded factual to me. *shrug* Are you going to bash Native Americans for telling stories of shapeshifting people around a campfire because that is physically impossible and they aren't using scientific principles to explain it? I agree that Stephenie Meyer is not an expert author in any sense of the word. But she's a great storyteller; for me, it's not all about the technicality in her writing style or the amount of scientific research that is put into her characters.
Oh, and one more thing. Using a thesaurus is wrong. You must repeat the same words all the time - that way it will be interesting: The silly yellow duck sat on a rock. The silly yellow duck did not like sitting. The rock was uncomfortable for the silly yellow duck. The silly yellow duck was sad. It did not like rocks. So the silly yellow duck walked away from the rock. It was not sad anymore. The end.

Anyway, the rest of the article, although blown way out of proportion for dramatic effect, was actually pretty funny. I don't know if she's trying to prove to fans that Twilight is a waste of time, if she's trying to prove to herself that Twilight is a waste of time, if she's trying to prove to the world that she can analyze books, or if it's just for kicks. If it's just for kicks - good job, girl friend. I got a kick out of it.

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Midnight Sun, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, vampire, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Twilight Movie, Stephenie Meyer

1 comment:

karla said...

wow. so what are YOU trying to prove? hm...