Friday, August 1, 2008

Breaking Dawn Spoof Mormon Husband Style

I just got finished reading the most hilarious Twilight spoof in the entire universe (not that the martians on Mars are making up Breaking Dawn spoofs or anything...). I'll give you a little preview of each part (there are three parts total) and you can see if you fall out of your chair as a result of uncontrollable laughter as I did and then go read it all for yourself.

Bella does nothing but cry, wail, moan and question the point of her existence without Edward. This goes on for about 34 pages.

To surprise Bella, Edward decides to do what every cool teenager does – try out for American Idol. During his visit, Edward decides to be honest and tells the producer that he is a 107-year-old vampire. When he gets before the judges, Simon says, "It says here that you are a 107 year old vampire. Not the first freak we’ve seen today. Let's get this over with." In a twist of irony, Edward sings Def Lepord's "Love Bites", but the judges are unimpressed. Randy says, "Yo, yo, yo, that was horrible, dawg!" A jealous, angry Edward roars back at Randy, "I'm not the dog, Jacob's the dog! Whose side are you on, Randy?" Paula, who appears inebriated, gives it her best shot with, " are a cute...thing...but singing is, you know,'s like a tugboat pulling a truck...water...Twinkie..." and then passes out mid-sentence.
Simon then says, "Right. Okay, Edward. Here's the thing. You're a good-looking kid who has probably skated by your entire life on your good looks. But you're a terrible singer. When you said you were a vampire I thought you might try to suck our blood. Turns out, you just sucked. Sorry."

I thought I had myself a shortie, a lovely Swan.
But she be dissin' and she frontin', I'm movin' on.
Instead of illin' with the J, she chose a "sucka".
She leff' me all alone, like a long-haul trucka.
Now I gots myself a honey, and lotsa money.
So I be maxin' wit' a mascot, you thinks dat's funny?
If you do - watch ya back.

I'm Jacob Black.
I won't cut you no slack.
You get whacked.

Stop laughing for just enough time to go to these links, and then you are free to continue:
Part I
Part II
Part III

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Midnight Sun, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, vampire, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Twilight Movie, Stephenie Meyer, Edward's point of view

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